All of you is a Gift
We all have a past. We all have triggers. We all have unhealthy and healthy ways of dealing with those triggers. You know what I mean…..those go to ways of managing stress and distress. Those go to ways of managing the feelings of powerlessness. Those go to ways of managing the feelings of helplessness. Those go to ways of managing the feelings of confusion or feeling inadequate. Maybe your way is to become more assertive and you take charge and begin to tell others what to do. Maybe your way is to become quiet and begin to shut down and check out. Maybe your way is to talk about the things you know and prove to others that you know something about something. Maybe your way is to cut off and begin to avoid. Maybe your way is to distract, minimize, or crack jokes and entertain the room. Your way is your gift.
Some would tell you to stop doing your way. Some would say when you do your reaction to your trigger in your session with your clients, you have done something wrong. I would offer, it’s only not helpful when we aren’t aware of ourselves and what we are doing when we are doing it. Essentially, that’s when we are NOT in present moment awareness, with ourselves or our clients. Because when we aren’t in present moment awareness we do our go to way in response to our trigger and then the client does their go to way because you just triggered them and we are in one big triggered dance which leaves both people feeling disconnected and dissatisfied about the session.
I’m beginning to understand that my trigger is actually my gift. My past, my old triggers, my old patterns of responding to my triggers…..these are actually my greatest allies and great gifts in my sessions. These gifts guide me where to go next. When I can be in present moment awareness, and I know my triggers and my responses, I am prepared. When I get triggered in session, I can quickly recognize I’m feeling helpless, or powerless, or not enough or……. Then I can begin to back up and track with the client’s patterns of behavior that are bringing this up in me and I can begin to attune to them more. In that moment of attunement I can begin to name a pattern or cycle the client may be stuck in and they can experience being seen, validated, and heard in that moment. I can use the gift of my triggers to gain more information about a couple dynamic or family system dynamic I’m working with. If I’m being triggered in a certain way, I know it’s likely there is a certain dynamic happening in this family that my own internal system is responding too. My triggers give me ‘insider information’ if you will.
Beginning to trust your own responses as a good information source takes time and practice. It begins by learning present moment awareness of yourself and what you are doing and what that is in response too. It’s also about honoring the role that your responses have played in your own life while also recognizing there are other options of responding now. All of you, your past, your triggers, your responses, are all a gift. The invitation is there to learn to use this gift as a guide in sessions. The invitation is to learn to appreciate your gifts more and realize you don’t have to disown or cut off from yourself. The invitations is knowing that you have choices now when you are triggered, and one of those choices in sessions, is to use your trigger to inform you on the dynamics in the session and the way to move forward.
All of you is a gift.
