Embracing the Seasons

     There is a season for everything.   Sometimes those seasons repeat themselves.  There are seasons where I have been able to do little more than care for my kids and care for my clients.  There are seasons where there feels like more room to care for myself and my relationships.  And there are seasons of creativity, productivity, and growth.  Actually, as I reflect on it, there is always growth.  The growth just looks different. 

    The beginning of my journey as a therapist was full of possibility, hopes, dreams, angst, uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy, feeling a sense of urgency to know more, do more, learn more.  That was a season of growth.  I had the time resources to learn, experience, do.  I had energy to see 25-30 clients a week, attend regular workshops, go to the lunch and meets, network with other therapists.  Then as I brought a child into the world, I entered a time in my career where I had less energy, less time resources, less brain power to absorb something else new.  I literally could not retain new learning.  This was a growth time for me.  I learned to ground myself in what I did know.  I learned to trust my clinical judgments.  I learned to conserve energy where I could and use it where it was most needed.  I didn’t network anymore, I didn’t attend all the trainings (except the absolute only ones needed to maintain my license), I didn’t expand the clientele I worked with.  I actually saw less clients.  Then my career took a turn towards leadership as I was invited to be a director and a supervisor.  I created space to learn those skills alongside the emerging skills as a therapist.  In this season I was learning more about myself, learning more about the dynamics of workplace relationships, learning how to prioritize, how to time manage, how to balance being responsible for little people in my home and how to be responsible for adults in my workspace.  In this season I attended my own therapy, did self reflection groups, saw friends less, focused on home and work more.  My self care looked like doing the things I absolutely had to do and be able to mom well, and sit with clients and staff well.  As my family grew I made some hard decisions that looked like putting my career on the back burner.  I had a season of regrouping, going back to the basics, only doing the bare minimum.   That season lasted what felt like a long time.  I would have months or weeks in that time that felt like I could do more, and I would.  I would plant some plants.  I would go to lunch or dinner with a friend.  I would create and launch a training.  But it felt few and far between.  I learned to listen to my body and my emotions as to what I could tolerate.   When I had 3 kids all under the age of 4, I did very little outside of home.  I worked 2 days a week and crammed a lot in those 2 days.  I learned more about prioritizing, efficiency, and how to say no to things that I had no capacity to do.  This was growth.  I moved into a season of more.  More time, more energy, more creativity, more desire to learn.  I leaned into that season and created.  I created trainings, nurtured long lost relationships, networked again, and began to dream a little about what was possible.  Then COVID hit.  I went into a season of surviving.  Rapid fire demands to learn things like a new EMR system, telehealth, ethics of telehealth, writing policies on illness safety.  I let go of any projects that were not absolutely necessary.  I met with my clients, wrote policies, studied the necessary, and said NO to a lot.  This was also a season of growth.  A painful growth season.  One I continue to learn from.  What I have learned most through all of it, is to trust myself.  Trust what I can do and what I can’t do.  And sometimes that changes from day to day or from month to month.  On the days I can do more, I do more.  On the days and weeks I can’t, I don’t.  I don’t put a lot of thought into posts those weeks.  I ask for help.  I sleep more.  I block off hours in my day.  I cancel things that aren’t necessary.  When I have more to give, I do.  I reach out and check on others, I write more, I open up more spots in my calendar, I dream more, I create. 

     There are always seasons.  Lean into each one.  Even the hard ones.  Learn to trust what you can and cannot do.  Redefine what you cannot do.  It doesn’t mean you are less than.  It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough.  It could literally mean that you just can’t today.  It could mean your system is just saying you have too much going on elsewhere.  Seasons don’t last forever.  And I’ve learned there seems to always be a little break in the middle of the hard seasons.  Kind of like the sunshine peaking through in the middle of a week of rain.  Even if it’s a little break, a little glimpse of the letting up.  The little moment where you can laugh, or come outside just to get a breath of fresh air.  There are always those moments in every season.  Lean into them.  Soak it up. Then listen to what you need as you continue on.