Escaping Workplace Drama – Strategies for the Persecutory Communicator - Part 2

Last month, we started a blog series on “Escaping Workplace Drama” and highlighted the notorious drama triangle.  To quickly recap, psychologist Stephen Karpman describes drama triangles as dysfunctional relationships where people shift between three roles: Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. In most corporate organizations, these three roles are often at play and fuel tension in the workplace.  This month, we will dive into the persecutory role by exploring Ann, a high-pressured manager who shifts to the classic persecutory style while under stress. 

Let’s meet Ann.  When Ann is thriving, she is driven, productive, and esteemed; she finds harmony in work, play, and personal life.  But, when life starts “life-ing”, as it often does, the stress and overwhelm of it all causes her to lose empathy for those around her and grapple for an anchor of control.  The people around her tend to withdraw and run for cover as her emotions and demands escalate.   The harmony she once felt is taken as the stress pulls her towards a critical, persecutory style in the workplace, leaving her feeling disconnected and isolated. 

Does Ann’s story resonate with you? If it does, let me encourage you to keep judgment outside your door – don’t let it in.  Everyone has a stress response.  Ann leans into the persecutory style as a way to manage her environment.  If, like Ann, you are searching for a better way, I invite you to consider these strategies to help you shift from a persecutory role to a collaborator.

4 Strategies to Shift from Persecutor to Collaborator:

ONE: Begin with Reflection & Awareness

It all begins with reflection and awareness.  Shifting to a collaborative communication style requires you to reflect on what is and is not working for you.  Use reflection to become self-aware of triggers, patterns, and emotional cues that pull you into the persecutor role.  Here are a few questions to help you begin your reflection journey:

• Think about a time when you were at your best at work. What was that like for you? How did it impact others around you? 

• Think about impactful moment(s) when you felt a need to control a situation. What was driving that need for control?

• What personal fears drive you to blame others when stress is present?

• When you shift to helping others grow rather than controlling outcomes, how might that impact your team and workplace dynamics? How might that reduce stress and improve overall well-being? 

TWO: Exploring and Practicing Coping Stratigies Designed for You

Once you’ve identified triggers, integrating productive coping strategies becomes paramount in regaining emotional control.  Coping strategies aren’t a one-size-fits-all; experiment with a few healthy strategies to find the right fit for you.  

A few common strategies to combat the stress that leads to persecutory responses are:

• Deep breathing exercises to ground yourself during moments of stress.

• Daily physical activity to move feelings of frustration out of your body.  It also helps you to be more present at work.

• Living within realistic margins, and setting realistic expectations

If these don’t work for you, no worries.  I encourage you to seek out a mental health therapist to help you explore healthy strategies that will work for you.   

THREE: Use Collaborative Communication to Shift Workplace Dynamics
Learning, practicing, and getting good at using this skill can be a game-changer.  Collaborative communication means embracing the perspectives of others, seeking to understand before being understood, and inviting others into a balanced and respectful dialogue.  Regardless of your role in your organization, approaching conversations from a place of empathy and curiosity can shift the workplace dynamic into a supportive and harmonious environment.   

FOUR: Seek Help from a Mental Health Professional

Change isn’t easy, but it is rewarding.  If you try strategies 1, 2, & 3 and decide you’d like a supportive partner walking with you along your journey, a mental health therapist can help guide you through.  You’re only one conversation away from meaningful change.

Stay tuned for next month’s article on “Escaping Workplace Drama – Strategies for the Victim Communicator”

Written by: Angell Berry, MA