Escaping Workplace Drama – Strategies for the Victim Communicator - Part 3
Welcome back to part three of our blog series on “Escaping the Workplace Drama Triangle.” In our blog series, we explore three communication styles often seen in corporate environments that fuel tension in the workplace and contribute to unhealthy team dynamics.
Last month, we got to know Ann, the persecutory communicator, and shared strategies to help her shift from being critical and controlling to becoming a collaborative leader. Today, it’s all about Andrew, the victim role in the drama triangle. Through the lens of Andrew, we’ll explore the victim role mindset and identify strategies to help Andrew and others like him shift from victim communicators to empowered problem-solvers.
Let’s meet Andrew.
Andrew is a dedicated, dependable, and talented teammate admired for his strong work ethic and collaborative spirit. When things are going well, he thrives enthusiastically with his team and contributes high-quality work with a smile. But, when deadlines loom, feedback feels sharp, or colleagues clash with him, Andrew struggles. He tries to find peace by retreating inwardly, but instead of peace, self-criticism and confusion wrestle him down.
Does Andrew’s story resonate?
If it does, breathe deeply, exhale, and offer yourself some self-compassion. Leaning into the victim communicator role is your natural way of protecting yourself when the going gets tough in the workplace. While it may provide a moment of relief from external pressures, it does nothing for the inner turmoil.
If you’re tired of struggling internally and are ready for a healthier, more productive, and empowered way, here are four strategies to help.
ONE: Cultivate Awareness & Reflection
The first step begins with understanding the triggers and patterns that pull you into this role. I invite you to journal your way to deeper awareness by reflecting on the following journaling prompts.
Think about a time when you felt valued and confident at work. What contributed to that feeling?
Think about a moment when you felt powerless in a situation. What thoughts or emotions came up for you?
What specific situations, people, or work environments make you feel stuck?
How might your work improve if you focused on advocating for your needs?
Think for a moment about aspects of your work situation that are within your control. Reflect on why they are in your control.
TWO: Build Healthy Boundaries
If you feel overlooked, overburdened, or mistreated in the workplace, learning to communicate good boundaries can help you tremendously.
Here are a few ways to start setting boundaries:
If overburdened with deadlines, try clarifying priorities collaboratively and focus your work on what’s most important.
If mistreated in a conversation, acknowledge the other person’s concerns, acknowledge your discomfort with the conversation, and ask to continue conversations when emotions are settled.
If overworked with tasks and projects, practice saying “no”, communicate your capacity, and offer alternative solutions to tasks that exceed your capacity.
For additional guidance on boundary setting, consider reading Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud or Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. You might also find working with a therapist helpful as you strengthen your boundaries muscle.
THREE: The Power of the Reframe
Negative self-talk is easy to fall into when feelings of powerlessness arise. Phrases like “Why Me?” or “Nothing I do is ever good enough.” or “I can’t seem to get a break from this craziness.” can contribute to that helpless feeling and cause you to retreat. The key is to reframe these thoughts so you can get unstuck and shift to the empowered communicator within.
For example, instead of saying “Nothing I do is ever good enough”, try “I am committed to doing my best at work, and I am learning and growing with each experience.” or “My worth is not based on someone else’s opinion of my work.”
FOUR: Lean on Support Systems
Breaking free from the victim communicator role doesn’t have to be a journey you take alone. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can be extremely valuable. That support system could look like connecting with a colleague or family member who uplifts you, seeking feedback and constructive insights from a trusted mentor, or working with a mental health professional to identify underlying beliefs or workplace patterns. Whatever that support system may look like, I encourage you to remember that you are not alone.
As we conclude our time today, thank you for sharing this space with me. Next month, we’ll be wrapping up our series by helping the Rescuer Communicator learn strategies to Escape the Workplace Drama triangle. Stay tuned!
Written by: Angell Berry, MA