What to expect in the weeks following a trauma…

Trauma has been a buzz word for a many years in our culture. Along with the word are all the stats and warnings around side effects; health side effects, emotional side effects, implications of long term damage.

While all those things can be true, what is also true is that our brain, nervous system and body are actually designed to heal from trauma. And the healing in the aftermath of trauma can be quite adaptive in a way that can even offer benefits.

After someone experiences something traumatic (defined by the American Psychological Association as an emotional response to a deeply distressing or disturbing experience), they have immediate responses like shock, denial, emotional releases such as crying and shaking, or even distress responses such as dissociation.

In children it can look like a lot of crying, clinging to loved one, and uncharacteristic tiredness.

The initial responses then shift over the coming weeks. On average it can take up to 6-8 weeks for people to process through their trauma. There is not standard way to process but some common experiences people may go through are flashbacks or intrusive memories (internal images of the even flash up all of a sudden, or internal experience of remembering sounds and smells from the event).

These can happen at odd times and people can feel their heart rate pick up and their body respond in the same way it did at the time of the trauma event. Other common experiences are unpredictable emotions that can range from anger, to sadness, to rage.

The same can be seen in children. They may ‘misbehave more’ or lash out more out of anger. Parents may see more crying and clinging in their children or more outbursts or even aggressive behavior from their children that is directed towards siblings, friends and even other adults. Another common experience is difficulty sleeping and even waking up with nightmares of the trauma event.

Some people may experience none of these and appear internally and externally as if nothing ever happened. They may even question why they don’t feel anything about the event or have any apparent symptoms.

All of these and more are normal.

So how do we help ourselves, our loved ones, or even our children process the trauma into an adaptive way?

1. The first important tool is patience. Patience with yourself, patience with your loved ones and children.

As I mentioned before, it can take up to 6-8 weeks (and sometimes even longer) for people’s bodies and nervous system to process what happened. In fact, the symptoms listed before are all good signs that processing is happening.

2. The second important tool is permission. Offering yourself, your loved one, your children permission to feel what they feel, experience what they are experiencing and validate it as experiences that are expected and absolutely appropriate to what they have gone through.

3. The third important tool is community support. This is true for adults and for children, that they experience the validation and support of their community as they process through what happened.

That the experience is one in which the community is validating that life might feel a little harder right now and where can I help out? That the community shares words of encouragement and unconditional love as the person is healing.

That the community offers a listening ear without trying to fix the situation or make the person feel better, instead holding space for the person to be exactly how they are as they heal.

This may look like sending regular encouraging texts of ‘thinking about you today and praying for you’ or showing up with a meal for them and their family, or inviting them on a walk that can even be a silent walk where no words are exchanged.

For children it’s offering lots of consistent structure that is predictable and also increasing hugs, comfort, and play time.

4. The fourth important tool is finding opportunities to be with the trauma event in a boundaried way.

This might look like thinking about the trauma event while you go for a run or fast walk and then setting it aside when you are done. It might look like spending 10-20 minutes every day journaling and free writing about the experience then putting the journal away and going about your day. This could look like spending time painting or just thinking about the incident but again setting a time limit then getting up and doing something different to shift your mind afterwards.

For children this might look like taking them to the park or outside to run and play when you notice them being more clingy or agitated. Taking a family walk. It could look like letting the child/teen know you are open to talking about the event and if they are, creating consistent planned opportunities every day for a set amount of time where you allow them to talk about it.

If they don’t want to talk about it, that’s ok. Spend that time talking about something they are interested in.

Never push someone to talk about something they do not feel ready to talk about. However, if you consistently create the opportunities, they get the message they you care and are interested. Therefore, they know they have permission to come to you when ready.

5. The fifth important tool is to stick to a routine and schedule.

Even if you don’t feel like doing things, going places, do it anyways. The routine and mundane help the system shift back into it’s life rhythm and will recognize the cues that life is ok now, it’s safe to return to normal.

What many people notice and experience months later after an incident is a deeper since of empathy for others, a recognition that life is hard and there are many beautiful things about life too.

People tend to walk away with a meaning or find some sense of purpose after traumatic events. Many people become more connected or devoted to their spirituality and even deeper meaning in life. Some learn caution, protection, and adaptations that look different than who they were before.

So yes, trauma can have an impact on individuals in a way that they may look and act differently than they did before.

However different isn’t always bad.

When does one reach out for professional help with processing their trauma?

There is no timeline or suppose too’s here.

I invite people to reach out anytime you feel like your experiences since the event, feel overwhelming and beyond you to manage. As a parent, I may reach out for my child when it seems that after several weeks I am not seeing any change in their initial behavior and responses after the trauma event.

Earlier is ok too, later is ok too. You have permission to do what you feel is needed in your individual situation.

I close with this blessing…

May you see the helpers around you in your time of distress. May you recognize and trust the natural ways your own body works to heal. May you feel the comfort and support of your community in your time of need. And may you know that help is available.

-Written by Alice Stricklin, LMFT

If you need counseling for trauma or any other event, call our office at 615.784.9209.