Unrecognizable
There comes a time in some people’s lives where they do not even recognize themselves any longer. In a way that they are so far from who they really truly are deep down that all anyone sees are survival responses.
Survival responses can look like just getting through, no looking ahead, no planning, just getting through the next hour or the next day. Survival responses can also look like resentment slung at whomever is in the path or it could look like hypervigilance, constant worry that creates an imprisoning cage. It could even look like desperately looking for any way to not be with the pain of the present by binging. Binging food, drink, substances, movies, social media, porn, sex, ANYTHING.
There comes a time when people realize they are unrecognizable, and it is in that moment that a shift can begin. The moment where one comes face to face with their truth that “Living never wore out so much as the effort not to live” Anais Nin. And it is in that moment, that you realize that the day has come “when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” Anais Nin. And here is where the painful process of blooming begins.
Maybe you have been there, maybe you are not there yet, and maybe you are there today. The process of blooming looks more like unlearning than learning. It looks more like connecting back to the essence of who you are. That place we all have that gets tucked away, protected by the barbs of life. And there are little clues that can help us reconnect.
Reconnection looks like beginning to recognize who you see in the mirror today, came from a place of surviving. Beginning to name how what you see in front of you has been helpful at different stages of your journey to get you through what you had to get through.
Then comes the hard work of remembering. A soft landing into remembering can look like being curious about what are things in your current life that drain you. Those things that when you think about doing them, or those people you anticipate seeing make you feel dread or even an urge to avoid.
And on the flip side remembering activities, people, or times that you have felt excited and really anticipated what was to come. You walked away feeling rejuvenated, energized, and maybe even more alive. As you start this remembering you begin the process of recognition. Along the way you learn who you were, who you are deep down, and who you are becoming.
Today I invite you to take a moment, pause and reflect on the following…..
What are activities in my life historically and currently that when I have to do them I feel dread? Or after doing the activities I feel drained?
Who are people in my life (currently and historically) that when I am around them I feel more drained or I dread being around them?
What are spiritual practices currently in my life that feel draining?
Where do I feel drained emotionally?
Where do I feel drained mentally?
Now take time to pause and reflect on the following……
What are activities in my life currently and historically that I look forward to? When I have done them I feel rejuvenated and excited about life?
Who are people in my life historically and currently that I look forward to seeing? That after I am around them I feel more connected to myself and those around me?
What are spiritual practices that when I am practicing them I feel more connected, rejuvenated?
When are times I feel more connected and centered emotionally?
When are times I feel more connected and centered mentally?
Take time over several days or even a week to come back to these questions. You do not have to answer them all at once. And it is ok to not even know the answer to some. Keep coming back to them. Invite yourself to be curious. Document your discovery and begin the journey to recognition.
